You’re cruising through you day, checking off tasks on your to-do list, feeling pretty good! Then, bam!, someone comes and pushes your buttons and it’s like he purposely wanted to knock you off your cloud. Kiss your well-being goodbye because that jerk just stole your mojo. So now you’re mood is off and the rest of your day is pretty much shot. Ciao, productivity and progress. If only these people could just leave you alone, right? Let you do your thing and spread their poison elsewhere, right?
If only you could find a way to not let these jerks bring you down.
Dealing with toxic people is one of the hardest things to do, especially for sensitive people. It would be easy to just turn on your heels and leave them in the dust, but what if it’s your boss or a family member? Or both? A few things I’ve learned about dealing with toxic people could be the key you need to free yourself from their tyranny and enjoy a good day even in their presence. Impossible? Read on!
- The first thing you need to realize is that it’s not personal. You may be on the receiving end of their shit storm, but it has nothing to do with you. Here’s a little secret: the pain you feel when they unleash the venom on you is only a fraction of the pain they feel inside. If they say mean things to you, can you imagine all the horrible things they say to themselves? It’s not about you. They are dealing with their own demons and they feel so much pain, the only way they know how to feel better is to dump all over someone else. This is not an excuse for bad behavior. It’s merely a reason, and now armed with this knowledge, you can shield yourself from the onslaught because you know that it has nothing to do with you except that you were in the vicinity. So don’t beat yourself up for making mistakes or fall under their spell of making you feel inferior.
- Second, they thrive on your energy. Have you ever noticed when someone is feeling bad, they say or do something to piss you off and all of a sudden they’re chipper while you’re seething? They just took your energy, my friend. Even more annoying is that you just handed them your power! It’s true. Sorry. And this is why:
- No one can take your power without your permission. You are responsible for your own feelings. No matter what someone else “does TO you,” it’s within your control to allow it to affect you. I know it might not feel that way and you may feel powerless against it. BUT! This is key to reclaiming your power. Your power, your energy, is yours and no one has the right to take it. Know this, though: they probably don’t even realize what they’re doing. Some people knowingly take others’ energy and are referred to energy vampires. Nine times out of ten, though, people are clueless, which is why the fourth point is important.
- Awareness is your shield. Because they are acting unconsciously (Seriously, what enlightened, aware being would inflict pain upon another? None, because that’s what being awakened is all about: Love.) So, because they are acting unconsciously, it is up to you to “be the adult” and not lash out, thereby continuing the cycle of abuse. Dealing with the ego is like dealing with a two year old smack in the middle of a tantrum. So, take a breath and tell yourself they are acting out and looking to feel better, but you will not allow them to take your peace. Be aware that they are looking for a button to push, something they know will piss you off. At this point, it’s helpful to ask for divine protection and assistance. Imagine you are in a protective ball of light and the arrows the toxic person is shooting turn into flowers as they pass through the ball of light. If that’s too hard, just imagine them deflecting off the ball and dissolving into light. Hopefully, you won’t have a button to push because you’ve done your inner work of releasing them. If you still get pissed off, forgive yourself, then make it a point to address the the trigger when you have a moment.
- Release your triggers and there is nothing they can say or do to piss you off. Remember how you are responsible for your emotions? In the heat of the moment, it can be really hard to control them. That’s why I am a huge advocate of releasing your triggers. We can become conditioned to react a certain way to a particular trigger. For example, when your boss wants to micromanage your work, you get pissed off because it triggers thoughts like, “He thinks I’m incapable. All my efforts are for nothing, and it makes me feel powerless.” It is absolutely on your control to address the triggers. Many modalities exist to heal the trigger and allow you to respond how you would prefer to respond rather than react automatically. One of the fastest and easiest ways to do this is with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). Heal the trigger and whatever he says will slide off your back and you can back to enjoying a wonderful day.
It will take conscious effort on your part to remain aware and work on your triggers. However, you’ll be a slave to the vicious cycle of abuse until you empower yourself to break that cycle. To recap, you break the cycle by not taking their behavior personally, understanding that they are in pain, not giving away your power by lashing out or falling into their emotional trap, and doing the inner work to release your triggers.
All of the stress induced by toxic situations takes our vital energy. When we are stressed out, we go into survival mode. All of a sudden staying safe becomes more important than using our creativity to find a way out of the toxic situation. Please allow me to be clear, if you are being physically or emotionally abused, and your safety is at stake, you need help beyond the scope of this article. Talk with a personal crisis counselor. This article is intended for people looking for ways to deal non life-threatening situations.
Once you reclaim your power, your vital energy will no longer be tied up by stress and you can use that energy creatively, for example, finding another job.
Chronic toxicity takes its toll, robbing us of a joyous and expensive existence, which is our birthright! Get yourself support from family, friends, a coach or counselor, and free yourself!
Until next time, my friends.
Live in the Light!
All my Love,